From Participant in couples work, 2017-2018.

We initially were reluctant to seek couples therapy; not knowing if it was going to have a positive impact on our relationship or further highlight how far we were removed from each other. The catalyst for us was a river of challenges such as navigating the impact of PTSD, substance abuse, a difference in cultures, a blended family with step children along with mental and physical health challenges. (WOW, I forgot how many obstacles we’ve had!)

My greatest fear about entering couples therapy was about speaking to a women therapist. In my culture men problems are very much for men to deal with, usually on their own. I also thought a therapist would gang up on me and take my partners side. This was not the case at all as Kaye was always impartial. She opened up a space that made it easy for me to discuss feelings, emotions and family history. Kaye always brought us back to listening to each other and trying to gain a perspective of the other in each situation. She considered the perspectives of both of us every step of the way.

The tools that were most helpful were the “I-I” process, which allowed me to vent safely. Also the understanding that my wife doesn’t need me to fix everything - sometimes she just needs to feel heard and understood.

Continuing sessions bring what I call a reboot of positive communication and listening toolbox.

Thanks Kaye, not only from us but our mob of kids too.